I dream of the house I want some day. I dream of the car I want some day. I dream of the vacations I want to go on some day. I dream of the career I may want some day.
One thing I never dream of? Brogan being anything but what he is.
Jerry asked me about that the other day. Asked me why I had such big dreams in every other area of my life, but don't ever talk about what Brogan would be if he weren't Autistic.
I explained to him that I simply cannot. It's not that I don't hope that he will become independent, successfully employed, maybe even in a relationship.... I do. I sincerely with all my heart hope that my son will achieve these things.
However ... if I never see my dream home built, if I never drive my dream car, if I never fly off to a far off destination, if I never become independently wealthy ... I could easily live without these things. They are just things, places, long shots.
But if I were to build up a vision of what he may be, of what he could achieve, where he could go, what he could accomplish and then he stalls my heart would break.
Not for me. I can live with the idea of having Brogan being dependent.
However, for him. It would kill me. It would kill me to think of my son having so much potential. So much intelligence. So much humor.
And never living fully to know it.
So I live cautiously. I live with goals. Not dreams.
2 comments:
You're being realistic and thats good. Just so that you don't expect Brogan to not achieve and grow and learn because he looks to you alot for the direction and expectations in his life. Encourage him and support him
I completely understand your feelings. My oldest daughter is hearing impaired. Cautious is a good word. Not that I don't want her to be as successful as possible...I see her struggles on an everyday basis, it simply hurts my heart to know that this will be a constant in her life. She is wonderfully strong and determined, but creating unrealistic dreams would be sad for both of us. So therefore, I am cautious.
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